Imagine reaching 30 and going “oh God, what am I doing?!”. Then imagine saying that to yourself over and over again for the next 10 months. What am I doing with my life?! Sweet Mary and the Orphans, shouldn’t I have this figured out by now? I mean you make plans right? You dream dreams, and you have moments where you flesh these little ideas out into what looks like solid game plans…But then you realise you haven’t the foggiest idea what to do, how to get there. Where is there exactly!?
Crickey, it has been rough! But I have realised one thing: I am alive. I have the gift of life still. And that, is stupendous. That is the beginning of everything. That is all I need. You see, we are all afraid I reckon; of coming off short, of not being good enough, of never achieving our highest ambitions and not knowing how to forgive ourselves for that. We are all blooming lost. And if truth be told, we probably always were. From when we were born.
“Can you honestly love a dishonest thing?”
John Steinbeck, The Winter of our Discontent
I can be a hermit sometimes. You know, keep to myself, hibernate in my apartment, nose in novels that are so heavy my arm aches from holding them? I can “retreat”. But once in a while I like to get out, spend time with with good people that are good for the soul, and just socialise I guess. In my family I am known as the introvert, which most people who know me find hard to believe because I talk so much whenever I am around them! And I have been known to strike conversations with complete strangers as though we are long lost friends… It is like Walt Whitman said ” Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large – I contain multitudes”
It’s here, it’s here! any minute now you’ll hear the sound of the sleigh bells… It’s here, and I am beyond excited. Christmas, that is.
I can’t wait for my friends to join me again for an evening of dining, laughter and conversation. The meal plan is well underway, a tad ambitious though it may be. But I dare say, God willing, it will go splendidly.
Here is a look at last year’s festivities to wet your appetite (mine really, but any excuse…)