It’s raining cats and dogs tonight; so loud I am struggling to fall asleep.
Two glasses of red wine and my favourite movie later and I’ve got Joni Mitchell playing on repeat. I miss you, I realise yet again. I promised myself that I would be gentler on myself, more loving and accepting of my humanity and vulnerability; that I would be kinder to myself and allow my definition of compassion to include me. So I’m letting myself miss you…; for as long as my heart needs to.
And I’m being honest by telling you, even when I don’t need to, because my sensibility needs it; this is life for me, this is living. Someday I’ll wake up and not need this, and that will be great. But for now here we are.
Have a fantastic weekend my darling…
“Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces – and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper – love her, love her, love her!”
You are more than a list of mistakes and if anyone tells you otherwise, let it be the last they make.
The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other’s welcome and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you have ignored for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.